I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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