So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
