But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
