My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
