super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
