Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
