I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
