If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
