I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
