By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
