Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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