I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
nutella sex= disaster
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
