I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
