Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
