Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
