I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
