Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
