guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
