Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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