I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
