I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
