I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
