Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
