in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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