I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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