I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
