this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
