Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
