YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
