I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
