Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
