No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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