He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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