hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
