handjob tips. give me some.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
