I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
