He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
