matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
