just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
