just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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