I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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