in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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