Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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