well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
