I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
