When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
