I showed him my bush... on skype.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
