I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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