two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
