using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
