I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
