I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
