i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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