my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
