omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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