just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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