SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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