my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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