Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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