dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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