dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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