Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to calm my uterus...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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