Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
