Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize