New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You are a genius and a whore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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