I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
