apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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