My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
