I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize