explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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