He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
