I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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