i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
