The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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