I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
