im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
