why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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