You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
