I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
