My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
